scaring myself

[celticdragonfly]

So I'm sitting here reading through more and more of the coccyx.org site, going through more and more of the personal experiences entries. And scaring myself. Some of these I can dismiss as being cases clearly not like mine. But still. This is scary. It could go badly. Even if it does go right, I'm going to have a prolonged recovery period. People take many weeks off from their job after something like this. I don't know if I'll be able to do any. We can probably find a way to afford a doula for a week or two, for daytime hours on weekdays. There's still a lot of kid care the rest of the time. And I don't think we can possibly afford it longer. I'm scared. We just don't have a lot of support structure in our lives.

I still don't want to be like this for the rest of my life, though.