scared Mama-bear
Jul. 11th, 2004 09:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
celticdragonflyIf I get any farther out of my comfort zone, I would go throw up. I've been having a very hard time trying to eat.
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selenite and I had some long serious conversations about personal stuff on Saturday. Which was good, but got a bit worldshaking at times. I thought that was going to be the tough part of the weekend.
Then there was today. Three times today at the UU church I ended up in situations where my childhood social training said "sit down, shut up, be a quiet little woman" and I bucked it all three times. Responded back to a guy doing the thoughtless politcal shit in the hallway - the kind of stuff where he thinks the US prosecuting crack and PCP dealers is the equivalent of Nazi fascism. Has no kids, and as best as I can tell has no clue. That was unpleasant.
Then I ended up going and supporting confrontations between the UU president who is telling people not to spread the news about the registered child molester who is on parole and has been breaking parole terms by being at the church, and the woman who discovered that we had this child molestor in our midst, and had the courage and resourcefulness to start informing parole officers and letting the church know. The president of the church and the minister do not want to let people know about this yet, and think having told the guy not to come back is enough, and they want to have a meeting with the criminal tomorrow. I think they are acting foolishly. I think in such a situation you notify the police FIRST, then next notify the congregation, and if you want to talk to the criminal, that comes last. I backed up the other woman in making quite a stink about it. The congregation president was engaging in all sorts of intimidating behavior to us - leaning over me, standing in WAY too close a position, engaging in unnecessary touching - all things that are clearly being used to try to make me shut up and back down, but are hard as hell to prove. I think he's decided he wants to protect the image of the church as a safe place, so donations will keep coming in - and in trying to protect the image, he is REDUCING the safety of the church. When asked point blank if he was willing to inform parole officers of this, he refused to give a yes or no answer and was weasel wording and saying things were going to be "handled" and he was going to "discuss" things with the man in question.
I discussed things a bit with the minister as well - because, as stomach-churning as this is to do, I do not like going around with "I hear that somebody said that Rev. Roshaven doesn't want anybody to talk about this to the congregation", I think it is more to the point to go to the person and say "I heard you said this; is it true?" The discussion with him was more reasonable, without the physical intimidation tricks and weasel wording that the president was using. Part of his point was saying that he did not have proof of the terms of the parole that this man has apparently broken. Okay, if he needs to get proof of that, perhaps. Although I think people deserve to know that a registered sex offender was showing up. Talked to the woman who discovered this - she says it's typical parole terms for any Texas sex offender. I do not have documentation to back that up at this time.
I don't care about things from the criminal's point of view. I care about the mothers and grandmothers and such in the congregation. I don't want to find out that while they were "handling" this and sanitizing the information in the next few weeks, that this guy molested another kid, because nothing was said out in public and some family didn't know, and thought of this as a safe guy because hey, they knew him from First Jefferson church.
The whole thing makes me terrified. I've let FJUUC people take my kid from the nursery down the hall to the Sunday school classroom, without demanding to see their background check. I've let my son go to the bathroom unescorted. I've let my kids run and play at the potluck in the hall with the other kids (and apparently this guy was going to those), they were all playing together. Could we have missed a kid long enough for him or her to get led into the parking lot, into a car, and out? Possibly. That's scary.
Threaten kids, and I get upset. Especially my kids, yes, but other kids, too. There's a lovely Pratchett bit about how once you wear the label of "Mother", the whole world gets a bit of the label "child". And yeah, that's true. So even though it goes against all my training and comfort, I was making a stink. And if they don't notify the congregation soon, I will continue to make a stink.
The president was also trying to blow off the woman who discovered this on her concerns about her being endangered as a whistle-blower. I think he's full of it. I'd be scared in her position. This guy was convicted of a violent crime, and she's going to take steps to put him back in jail. Yeah, that's scary.
Here's the link, by the way. The name matches the name that he's given to the CUUPS group. Names can be common, you say? They say that looks like him in the more recent picture (which you click on the picture to get to), and that's the address he gave the group. Sounds reasonable grounds for concern to me.
http://records.txdps.state.tx.us/soSearch/soDetail.cfm?ShowNav=False&DPS_NUMBER=05065755
It's been enlightening to find out about this database.
When it comes to protecting kids from a child molestor, my view is that you err on the side of caution, err on the side of the kids, and notify people immediately.
I have been reading Kipling, "The Female of the Species", and finding relevance in some of the passages about men and how they act. Although I do not assume it is true of all men, I think the description fits how these two men at the church are acting now.
selenite and I had some long serious conversations about personal stuff on Saturday. Which was good, but got a bit worldshaking at times. I thought that was going to be the tough part of the weekend.Then there was today. Three times today at the UU church I ended up in situations where my childhood social training said "sit down, shut up, be a quiet little woman" and I bucked it all three times. Responded back to a guy doing the thoughtless politcal shit in the hallway - the kind of stuff where he thinks the US prosecuting crack and PCP dealers is the equivalent of Nazi fascism. Has no kids, and as best as I can tell has no clue. That was unpleasant.
Then I ended up going and supporting confrontations between the UU president who is telling people not to spread the news about the registered child molester who is on parole and has been breaking parole terms by being at the church, and the woman who discovered that we had this child molestor in our midst, and had the courage and resourcefulness to start informing parole officers and letting the church know. The president of the church and the minister do not want to let people know about this yet, and think having told the guy not to come back is enough, and they want to have a meeting with the criminal tomorrow. I think they are acting foolishly. I think in such a situation you notify the police FIRST, then next notify the congregation, and if you want to talk to the criminal, that comes last. I backed up the other woman in making quite a stink about it. The congregation president was engaging in all sorts of intimidating behavior to us - leaning over me, standing in WAY too close a position, engaging in unnecessary touching - all things that are clearly being used to try to make me shut up and back down, but are hard as hell to prove. I think he's decided he wants to protect the image of the church as a safe place, so donations will keep coming in - and in trying to protect the image, he is REDUCING the safety of the church. When asked point blank if he was willing to inform parole officers of this, he refused to give a yes or no answer and was weasel wording and saying things were going to be "handled" and he was going to "discuss" things with the man in question.
I discussed things a bit with the minister as well - because, as stomach-churning as this is to do, I do not like going around with "I hear that somebody said that Rev. Roshaven doesn't want anybody to talk about this to the congregation", I think it is more to the point to go to the person and say "I heard you said this; is it true?" The discussion with him was more reasonable, without the physical intimidation tricks and weasel wording that the president was using. Part of his point was saying that he did not have proof of the terms of the parole that this man has apparently broken. Okay, if he needs to get proof of that, perhaps. Although I think people deserve to know that a registered sex offender was showing up. Talked to the woman who discovered this - she says it's typical parole terms for any Texas sex offender. I do not have documentation to back that up at this time.
I don't care about things from the criminal's point of view. I care about the mothers and grandmothers and such in the congregation. I don't want to find out that while they were "handling" this and sanitizing the information in the next few weeks, that this guy molested another kid, because nothing was said out in public and some family didn't know, and thought of this as a safe guy because hey, they knew him from First Jefferson church.
The whole thing makes me terrified. I've let FJUUC people take my kid from the nursery down the hall to the Sunday school classroom, without demanding to see their background check. I've let my son go to the bathroom unescorted. I've let my kids run and play at the potluck in the hall with the other kids (and apparently this guy was going to those), they were all playing together. Could we have missed a kid long enough for him or her to get led into the parking lot, into a car, and out? Possibly. That's scary.
Threaten kids, and I get upset. Especially my kids, yes, but other kids, too. There's a lovely Pratchett bit about how once you wear the label of "Mother", the whole world gets a bit of the label "child". And yeah, that's true. So even though it goes against all my training and comfort, I was making a stink. And if they don't notify the congregation soon, I will continue to make a stink.
The president was also trying to blow off the woman who discovered this on her concerns about her being endangered as a whistle-blower. I think he's full of it. I'd be scared in her position. This guy was convicted of a violent crime, and she's going to take steps to put him back in jail. Yeah, that's scary.
Here's the link, by the way. The name matches the name that he's given to the CUUPS group. Names can be common, you say? They say that looks like him in the more recent picture (which you click on the picture to get to), and that's the address he gave the group. Sounds reasonable grounds for concern to me.
http://records.txdps.state.tx.us/soSearch/soDetail.cfm?ShowNav=False&DPS_NUMBER=05065755
It's been enlightening to find out about this database.
When it comes to protecting kids from a child molestor, my view is that you err on the side of caution, err on the side of the kids, and notify people immediately.
I have been reading Kipling, "The Female of the Species", and finding relevance in some of the passages about men and how they act. Although I do not assume it is true of all men, I think the description fits how these two men at the church are acting now.
