Thoughts on phone conversations

[celticdragonfly]

I tell people that I don't generally call people on the phone very much. I'm always worried about what am I interrupting, am I going to get someone at a busy time who doesn't want to talk but doesn't want to be rude to me. Are the kids going to interrupt me and make noise - well heck, sure they will. Etc. So I tend to communicate by IM and email and such. If someone's given me contact info but is rarely online, it doesn't bode well for our contact.

Today I realized another reason why phone calls aren't working for me - and I suspect I've realized this subconsciously and not wanted to face it and it's part of why I've been shying away from phone calls. I ended up with a longish phone call with a friend. And I had a heck of a bad time following what she was saying, kept having to ask her to repeat and such. There were parts I didn't get at all but were too embarrassed to keep asking for repeats.

I can't lipread on the phone at all. It was worse because I haven't had enough time talking to her to get her speech patterns down well. I realize the phone calls I do make are only to people I know really well - Karl, my family, one or two very special friends. Those people I've talked to enough, especially in person where I can lip read, that I know their speech pattern well enough that if I miss a bit, I can fill it in by guess, sorta by statistical expectation, most of the time.

For those of you who may not have heard me admit this, I have a slowly developing hearing problem. Put me in the standard hearing test - soundproof room and pure tones - and I will pass it fine. (Or at least I did in the early 90s.) Have me try to deal with conversation against background noise, and I better be able to see the person's mouth. I use subtitles on DVDs extensively, etc. I spent a long time in denial and developing my lipreading without admitting it.

I think maybe I better go ahead and call the speech and hearing clinic that tested the kids. They told me they have tests that work for what I'm talking about. I've postponed it, as they're not open on Karl's off Fridays, but I have gotten a babysitting offer.

I still would like to talk with people. But if people want me to talk to them on the phone, they should tell me when - or possibly call me and I can call them back, I've got unlimited long distance - and be willing to be careful of enunciation (yeah, I know, I'm the pot calling the kettle black, and I'm embarrassed about that) and willing to put up with lots of repeats.

Hm, I wonder if this problem is going to make it impossible for me to learn to sing in parts? I thought it was hard for me to pick out the alto line because I've spent 30-odd years singing along by finding the melody, but I hadn't thought about if this was related. Thinking about that makes the problem scarier... edges it back towards facing "what if whatever this is continues to worsen?"

Comments

[jazz007.livejournal.com]

Not sure if it helps, but my mother has the same problem. Lots of different sounds drive her nuts because she can't pick out the ones she wants/needs to be able to hear. I tend in the same direction, but not there yet.

*hugs* Best of luck to you with it!

[callibr8]

Sounds like you had an important "a-ha!" moment there. I'm really sorry that you're having to face that problem ... and I do think it's good if you see if there's something that modern medical science can do to help you have an easier time of it! Good luck with that, and I hope you'll keep us posted on your progress.

[countrycousin.livejournal.com]

I've had gradually worsening hearing loss all my adult life. About 5 years ago, I got an exam, saying, yep, you've got a problem, but not enough that a hearing aid will help. Went back this spring, came home with a gadget. (expensive blighters, and I got one of the simpler ones). It helps a lot, but is not perfection. Don't use it on the phone so far (it has a little plastic fiber sticking out to help with removal) - but one can get phone adjustments to help. I still watch people's mouths. Still use subtitles a lot (another reason to stay home and watch the DVD).

I was worried that it would further diminish my appreciation of music. Actually, although I only have assistance in one ear (both are affected, but one is worse, and that one gets the boost), music sounds better to me with than without it. I have seen the response curves, and I can guarantee that the corrected response is not flat and even a bit bumpy, and you might be talented enough to dislike the effect - but I like it. I have no idea how it would affect your ability to separate parts - I could never do it very well, and your condition might be very different from mine - but the macroscopic symptoms sound familiar.

Good luck.

P.S.

[countrycousin.livejournal.com]

DW took to singing in the choir as a retirement activity. This is very difficult for her, as she sings alto, and most of us tend to get distracted by those singing the melody.

She had sheet music, which I would put into MIDI, with the alto in a noticeably different instrument than whatever other parts I put in, and at a higher level. That helps her a lot, and she can practice at home.

sing on!

[bkseiver.livejournal.com]

I just read an article in an AARP journal that said hearing loss in a background noise situation is neuro, not audio. The article said we loose the ability to sort out an individual sound. There is a computer program that gives you pratice in sorting out sounds. In short, learning to follow a part is just the kind of thing you SHOULD keep doing - it may be very beneficial for you.

Re: sing on!

[ewtikins.livejournal.com]

Yes.

I have this (or a similar?) problem sometimes - trouble following words when there's background noise. I hear the sounds but they don't mean anything, or I can't distinguish the consonants.

It seems to get dramatically worse when I am struggling with depression. I've never been able to sort out whether it actually is worse, because I don't go out as much when I'm depressed, and because of course when I'm depressed everything seems worse anyway.

FWIW I've been a musician all my life, including lots of singing of alto parts, and so far have not had this problem interfere with part-singing; whatever happens to the words, pitch still seems to be okay for me, maybe it's a different part of the brain, or maybe it's just because I've had so much practise at listening across. Your mileage may vary, of course.

I think if you've always sung soprano and 'picked out a melody' then you were probably doing that by ear; picking out an alto line by ear is going to be harder, but not impossible. Learning to read music to the point of being able to look at the line and know what it sounds like, at least to some degree, would be extremely useful. I don't think it's ever too late to learn that but I don't know how much time you want to put in.

computer program

[ewtikins.livejournal.com]

Also, I'd be very interested to know what this computer program is; I don't know if I'd give it a try but I know a few people who might as they have similar problems.

Re: computer program

[celticdragonfly.livejournal.com]

did you see she added another comment with the info below
http://www.livejournal.com/users/celticdragonfly/341491.html?thread=1121779#t1121779

[archangelbeth]

Better to get it diagnosed early than late. If there's anything they can do about it, the longer you wait, the worse. (Okay, it's not occular histoplasmosis, but that's where my experience is, and a blind spot and distortion in one eye is better than BLIND in one eye.) Take that appointment and good luck!

Physical Therapy for the ears

[bkseiver.livejournal.com]

(I want y'all to know I went to the curb and dug this out of the recycle bin!) "As we age, chemical changes cause the brain to lose some of its ability to filter out unwanted sound and provide proper feedback to the ear," says D. Robert Frisina, director of the International Center for Hearing and Speech Research at the Rochester (NY) Institute of Technology. "This feedback problem often happens before any sign of trouble with the ear itself." To train the brain to recover some of these skills, Robert Sweetow, director of audiology at U Cal San Francisco has come up with an interactive software program called LACE (Listening and Communication Enhancement) Training. A free demo version is available for download at www.neurotone.com.

Re: Physical Therapy for the ears

[celticdragonfly.livejournal.com]

Can I have it? Send the magazine to me? Or hold it for me for when I come home for Christmas?

Thanks for finding it!

you are not alone

[curiousmay9.livejournal.com]

technomom is reporting similar problems. we've talked about getting her to a specialist as well.

sympathy

[the-blue-fenix.livejournal.com]

You'd mentioned the hearing problem before, but I didn't realize it was or could be something progressive. I'm glad you're going to get it looked at.

[cayswann.livejournal.com]

I have the same thing going on: I live for closed-captioning on the tv, and I find myself working on lip-reading a lot.

And yet I'm still a singer. I think that the singing thing is a focus thing -- I can pick what I want to focus on hearing, so everything else fades out [which parts help, which parts are a distraction]. The more you sing with parts, the more you'll be *able* to sing with parts, that's my personal opinion.

Now, one of these days I'll give in and get earplugs for performing with my band... *blush*

http://www.forevertwelve.com

[kattelyn.livejournal.com]

As someone who has always had hearing problems and now has this creeping up on me more and more as I age, I find myself lip reading a lot. Phones are on headsets with volume control turned all the way up on both ends. Tvs end up being rather loud or with CC on. I grew up with partial hearing loss in one ear, and never have been able to distinguish speech well in a crowded room. As far back as I can remember, I've always lip read. Its simply how I communicate. Its also a reason I tend to be a rather quiet person when alone. Background noise is irritating. Either its loud enough for me to hear it and therefore distract or its bouncing on my background thoughts and just irritating me.

*grins* Time to go buy an ear horn and cane and practice my "Huh? what'dya say? damn whippersnappers mutter all the time!"