of child behavior and socialization
Mar. 17th, 2006 02:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
celticdragonflyI just came back from running errands and having lunch at chickfila with the kids. After lunch I took them into the play area, and sat on the bench fiddling with my knitting while they played. Well, Maggie did - it was loud and crowded enough that Jamie mostly stood near me and watched.
There were some kids there who were a bit big for the play area, and who were being way too loud, rough, and bullying. It got bad enough that when one of them came down the slide I made him come over to the door where the "no bigger than this" line was, pointed out that he was technically over it, and if he was going to play in there he needed to be gentler and remember that this was for the little kids. He tried to blow me off about it, I had to repeat it and get sterner to get an acknowledgement. He was later telling the other kids he'd run to to his mother to tell her that a stranger had talked to him - she later came in and asked "if there was an issue". I said yes, explained what he'd been doing and what I said. She didn't give me a hard time, but didn't look like she was going to be any help on the subject, either.
I finally decided it was too much and took the kids out of there earlier than I'd planned. Ironically I think we get a higher class of kid there than the average.
Sigh. I *hate* confrontations, even with kids. But I'm a Mama, and I have to do what needs to be done. I've pretty routinely been stopping kids who ran in and saying "You have to take your shoes off and put them in the cubby."
It really does drive home how many badly behaved bully kids there are out there, and how many lackadaisical parents who don't care and don't uphold standards go with them. It renews my determination to be, by current standards, a very strict parent. And to keep my kids away from bad influences like those kids (Maggie and I had a talk about why I don't want her to act like that), and give them good ones. It reminds me why I want to homeschool. And I'm going to keep this as an example to give to all the people who don't know much about homeschooling, whose first response is always "But what about socializaaaaation??" Fegh. Most of the kids out there, I don't *WANT* my kid socializing with.
As I told Karl on the phone earlier, I want their upbringing to be more like Little House on the Prairie and less like Lord of the Flies.
There were some kids there who were a bit big for the play area, and who were being way too loud, rough, and bullying. It got bad enough that when one of them came down the slide I made him come over to the door where the "no bigger than this" line was, pointed out that he was technically over it, and if he was going to play in there he needed to be gentler and remember that this was for the little kids. He tried to blow me off about it, I had to repeat it and get sterner to get an acknowledgement. He was later telling the other kids he'd run to to his mother to tell her that a stranger had talked to him - she later came in and asked "if there was an issue". I said yes, explained what he'd been doing and what I said. She didn't give me a hard time, but didn't look like she was going to be any help on the subject, either.
I finally decided it was too much and took the kids out of there earlier than I'd planned. Ironically I think we get a higher class of kid there than the average.
Sigh. I *hate* confrontations, even with kids. But I'm a Mama, and I have to do what needs to be done. I've pretty routinely been stopping kids who ran in and saying "You have to take your shoes off and put them in the cubby."
It really does drive home how many badly behaved bully kids there are out there, and how many lackadaisical parents who don't care and don't uphold standards go with them. It renews my determination to be, by current standards, a very strict parent. And to keep my kids away from bad influences like those kids (Maggie and I had a talk about why I don't want her to act like that), and give them good ones. It reminds me why I want to homeschool. And I'm going to keep this as an example to give to all the people who don't know much about homeschooling, whose first response is always "But what about socializaaaaation??" Fegh. Most of the kids out there, I don't *WANT* my kid socializing with.
As I told Karl on the phone earlier, I want their upbringing to be more like Little House on the Prairie and less like Lord of the Flies.
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-17 08:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-17 08:55 pm (UTC)Most of the kids out there, I don't *WANT* my kid socializing with.
Most people's response to this is something along the lines of, "But how will they learn to deal with people who are different/mean/break the rules/whatever thing it is you're objecting to? How will they learn that sometimes life isn't fair and people aren't nice and well-behaved?"
They see this as a valid argument, bc, indeed, some people are mean, etc., and certainly you wouldn't want that to come as a big shock to your kids.
But, come on...the world, esp the media, is inundated with mean, non-well-behaved rule breakers. A lot of humor, esp kid humor, is based on this idea. How could it possibly come as a shock?
I don't think you need to teach your kids to understand or deal with what the world is already full of--they'll absorb it on their own. Much more important to teach them the harder lessons that aren't so obvious. And THAT, you can say to the doubters, is how they will learn to deal w/ the meanness out there: by countering it with their own niceness.
Here's an analogy I bet you'd never thought to hear me use: Christ didn't say to turn the other cheek and go the extra mile bc he was a big wuss with no idea how mean the world could be. He said it bc he knew sometimes the only way to defeat evil is to confound it with goodness. Confusion to the enemy!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-17 09:04 pm (UTC)Yep. My answer - well, Maggie learned a lesson on that today, with her mother there, taking her aside and talking to her, pointing out behavior that's like that, and telling her it's best to stay away from people like that.
Better that than being at a school where she's dumped in with kids like that, and nobody's guiding her and telling her that it's unacceptable.
Much more important to teach them the harder lessons that aren't so obvious. And THAT, you can say to the doubters, is how they will learn to deal w/ the meanness out there: by countering it with their own niceness.
I agree. Teach them to be well-mannered people, to be good even when dealing with nasty people. To stand up against bullies when necessary, without ever becoming one. That's my goal.
sometimes the only way to defeat evil is to confound it with goodness. Confusion to the enemy!
Heh, I like it.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-17 11:28 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-17 11:30 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-18 07:49 pm (UTC)Not bagging on public school, I just think the lesson of how to deal with differentness, meanness and bad behavior is best taught in the family.
Kudos to you for your approach to the bullying kid and his mom.
Vanessa
who has no children, but wants to walk easy in the world with everyone else's
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-20 02:58 pm (UTC)Thank you! Too many people put too much weight on the socialization aspect of public school while forgeting exactly what their children are be taught there. As a former homeschooled child, there's so many things that boggle my mind that are commonplace. "If you're smart and you know the answer, shut up. " ..... so, you want the smart ones to dumb down to the level of the morons? I DON'T THINK SO.
Just, thank you. A few more folks thinking like that and we may actually have a working society!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-23 08:07 pm (UTC)