Thoughts on a phrase

[celticdragonfly]

I'm thinking today about the phrase "don't take it personally", and why it bugs me.

Nobody has actually used that phrase to me lately. But it's been used on me a lot, I dislike it, and it's gotten to the point where if I think I see it coming I get cranky and defensive.

Thinking it over, really, if someone says that, what they're basically saying is "You shouldn't have feelings, because it's inconvenient for me."

I want to find strategies and answers so I can never let that phrase get used on me again.

Comments

[kk1raven.livejournal.com]

That phrase has its appropriate uses - when something is going to be said that really isn't about you as a person, but instead is about some bigger issue that in some way has something to do with you. For example, I might complain to an employee of a company I'm doing business with about the company rules that cause that employee to have to do something I don't agree with. When I'm trying to extract information from a Verizon tech support person, who has been instructed not to give out information, then my complaint is not about him personally, but about Verizon's policies, thus, my saying that he's not being helpful is something he shouldn't take personally but as a complaint with Verizon.

Unfortunately, I do find that that phrase is far more often used as a way of saying "I'm going to say something offensive about you but you shouldn't feel offended by it". My general urge when someone uses it that way around me is to say "Why not?" before they can continue.